Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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