Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
