shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
