So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
