Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
