i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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