If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
no, he came in my armpit
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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