tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
