chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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