I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
