You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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