Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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