Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
