I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
no you cant smoke seaweed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
