It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
