Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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