I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
