everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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