3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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