Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize