I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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