well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
