I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
