Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
