I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
