Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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