if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize