I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
