I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
