You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
