Swine flu. Run for my life!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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