At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
