She said her name was "party"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
