There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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