got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
