dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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