id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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