god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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