There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
