GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
