The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
