..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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