I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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