life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
this just has baby written all over it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
