Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
