Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize