I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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