Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
