Don't you send me to vm
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
