I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize