Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All the doctor said was why
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
