but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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