This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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