The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I need moral support for this bender
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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