I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
