I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
