The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
