Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
