I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
