Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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