I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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