I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize