and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
