Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
