I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
