I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just threw up on my dentist
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well I just put wine in my tea
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
