Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
