my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
