Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
