I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize