Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
