Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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