Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
