Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize