the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
